I want to let you in on something about me, some people may already know and will attest to my honesty in the words that follow. I am not good at friendship. I’m serious and it’s not a bad thing it’s just the way I’ve always been. I love deep maybe even deeper than most, my love is enduring, and the ones closest to me feel the intensity of my love.
I am not one to call to make plans or work to get to anyone. If it’s going to slip away then it does. I do not “miss” people. I do not pine over lost relationships. I am not defined by anyone. Our life experiences have made us who we are as we work through, learn from and develop while moving forward to the next thing and on to the next.
I have worked through this flare on my own in solitude because that is the way I wanted it to be. I don’t like the spotlight, I don’t enjoy celebrations, I’d rather do my own thing in peace and quiet in all aspects of my life. Being as tired and weak as I was it would have been too much to have people around me or have to “entertain” and I was not up to visiting of any sort most of the time.
I refuse to be defined by Crohns and Colitis because I am not one to put attention onto myself, hundreds of thousands of people all over the world suffer from IBD plus I want to live a healthy, fulfilled, productive life. They are debilitating diseases more so than fibromyalgia and Graves, living with all four of these I can attest to this as a matter of fact! There were many factors that came into play that made me as sick as I was for the past 4 years which I now know what the culprits were have remedied those factors out of my life and have learned how to keep my life balanced. Finding these new found ways have forever changed my life and staying with them will be my lifestyle for the future. Learning about paleo and holistic health, literally saved my life!
Over this past weekend I can officially say I am completely in remission! Crohns symptoms have finally disappeared and I am now faced with another challenge and that is recovery! Getting back on my feet into the real world and rebuilding my muscles, stamina and getting back into a routine and schedule. I am so excited about the next phase of my life and am grateful to put this one behind me! I am looking forward to the day my body is back to normal which won’t be too long if my recovery is anything like the way my body healed!
In the last couple of weeks of my Crohns flare I was extremely tired, beyond weak meaning can hardly do anything and when I did have to do something I had to have a sleep right after because I couldn’t stay awake. This also happened when I didn’t do anything as well. Colon and bowel wise I was in pain again so I increase curcum to 6 capsules a day when needed otherwise stuck to 4 capsules a day. I can feel my bowels and colon moving around a lot as if they are trying to regain control plus I have some gas more than usual. I do have the urge to have a bowel movements but it is different than the way CD and UC feel like you do not have time to get to the bathroom and they are painful, where as I have no pain now.
Each day my emotional state is getting stronger, I feel my thoughts are a lot clearer, I don’t have the brain “fog”, my energy is back, I don’t have to take a nap or have a sleep, my eye site seemed to come back to normal overnight, I am not bloated and I can make decisions again that actually come to me naturally rather than mulling over and then not knowing what I should do and becoming upset. All in all I am coming around full circle here slowly but surely and I’m gaining momentum with my daily tasks, chores and routines.