Are we there yet?

Is it May already? Man time flies! They say time is on your side, it takes time to heal, give it time, all I got is time.  Well, I’m sick of putting a time limit on my healing and that time is flying by so fast that I can’t make out shapes or contexts. Life hands you crap and you take time to deal, you take time to grieve, you take time to put the pieces back, you watch time pass by while you heal. We all have our issues, we all have ups and downs, we all have good and bad moments, none of us are immune. It’s an up hill battle, it’s a struggle to heal, to be ill and to heal again. IBD is a not a pretty disease and it’s not fun to deal with or talk about the effects it has on your body during a flare.

I take the path of least resistance, since life is hard enough as it is and these diseases are down right brutal, why fight against it, just go with the flow…figuratively and literally speaking! I have days where I’m in tears all day, sometimes they are waiting around the corner for a trigger or maybe not, sometimes they come flooding and there was nothing to set it off. Some days like today I’m sick of being ill, I’m tired of healing, of sleeping the day away, of taking all these natural medications, of eating a certain way, of eating specific foods. I’m impatient or am I just human and desperately want to be able to live a normal day without feel this exhausted….is it time for a nap yet? I wish I could just curl up in a ball and hibernate for months so that I can heal and be done with it.

I have good days, I have bad days, it’s easy on the good days and a struggle on bad days but I am taking it one day at a time. I am at the point I have to be back on my feet but I don’t feel quite ready, I don’t feel like I can function at a normal pace yet and it is all to consuming, overwhelming and stressful for me to think about.  I can tell I am not ready because the stress of it all is too much and I can’t make decisions, not even for simple things, which is not me at all, ever! So, that’s saying a lot!

The thought of having to get up and get ready for a full day then to come home only to collapse in exhaustion and to not eat properly because of course I am too tired to get groceries or cook so I will regress and it will all start over again, the anemia, sleeping all the time and not moving so the muscle wasting and my skin in turn will shut down and the list goes on…I’m not ready! I need more time! All the work I’ve put into healing and not to mention the TIME I’ve painfully trudged along while healing I’m afraid will be lost and that makes me feel so overwhelmed and frustrated.

As I sit here thinking about this beautiful sunny day and wishing I could be hiking in the mountains, or fly fishing in BC or walking along a beach in Florida, I know that whether I am ready or not I have to take this next giant leap and figure out ways to make this work to get on my feet and get back into the world of work and function as best I can at this time of my life. Although I know I can do anything I set my mind to I just wanted to heal completely before being submerged into that hectic, stressful, exhausting and pressured life again, desperately hoping I would have a chance at full remission to start over, not half-assed, rather the whole healthy me!

Thank you for reading my blog and liking what I write.  I hope my posts help you all in this crazy journey living with Crohn’s and Colitis to full natural healing and remission!

~Andrea

boxing day 2015
Boxing Day 2015
The inspiration for this blog post came from my two beautiful daughters who have grown up into intelligent and strong women. I was thinking about Mother’s Day and TIME and how fast my girls have grown up. It has been just the 3 of us, as I have raised them on my own for 20 years, they are my everything and I appreciate their support, understanding and love they have shown since I have been diagnosed.  They watched me struggle for most of those 20 years with ups and downs in my health, searching for answers, diet changes and the like.  I love you both very much!  Hugs & Kisses
Image by Tessa MacInnes

This is a great article about IBD and work: GUTS4LIFE

WebMD ~ Managing IBD at work

Women’s Health.gov has many links on questions asked about IBD

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4 thoughts on “Are we there yet?

  1. Hi Andrea, it sounds like a tough journey you’re going and have been through. When our health works against us it’s really time to ask ourselves deeper questions about our emotional health, suppressed feelings, early childhood issues, and so on. I’m only saying this to encourage you that there’s a way out of it. I watched my mother and sister being consumed by cancer, and after that huge loss I started digging deep into the stuff that I mentioned, and finally can see why possibly they both got sick. I know that every disease has an origin in our energetic bodies first where all emotions are stored when not fully expressed in a healthy way. I hope that helps, Vilina

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Vilina, Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you taking the time to write me!
    I have done a lot of deep soul searching over the past couple of years and it doesn’t stem from emotional childhood issues once so ever. It started with all the antibiotics I was on as a child from being sick most of the time. Back then little was known about the damage they caused, However, I should have had my tonsils out when the doctor first suggested it at age 5 not waiting until I was 12 years old. That was a bad decision made, but it’s too late to change that now!
    Also, this flare was definitely due to unhealthy relationships and toxic people. I ended that relationship last February and the toxic people are completely out of my life or I have put them at a very good distance away from me and there they will stay!
    I have learned more in the past 4 years about myself, life and other people, than I had in the 10 prior. I blog so that other people can see that they are not the only ones who suffer, that there is a way out, there is healing and there is hope!
    Thank you for the encouragement, we all need it now and then! Kind Regards ~Andrea

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Andrea, I understand! I’m glad you’ve managed to get rid yourself of the toxicity around you 🙂 This is a big one! And yes – healthy boundaries is the best route to healthy you! I’m still learning to do that but I can see how important it is to surround yourself with love and care and provide that to yourself as well. Antibiotics are really not great – my 3 year old already had two episodes of tonsillitis this winter/spring season. I don’t like giving him that at all especially in such a small period of time. I believe healthy eating habits (like you do now) is the biggest part of the puzzle for having a strong body and system. But I see how hard it is to keep on track, our lives are compromised by all the poisonous foods in the supermarkets everywhere around us. But it isn’t impossible and I’m also on the route to changing our lifestyle as a family. Thanks and looking forward for more updates, Vilina ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Vilina, Love your name, how unique and exquisite! Your a good momma knowing to give probiotics after a run of antibiotics, that’s the key and that’s what I missed out on unfortunately.
      I agree with you about the supermarket foods, I can’t wait to buy acreage so I can grow my own garden. I plan on having chickens and another source of meat supply. This way I will know what goes into my food! My daughter hunts so I get venison, elk and the odd bird. Sounds like you are on a good path to optimal health for you and your family. Thank you for your support! Take care ~ Andrea

      Liked by 1 person

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