Is it May already? Man time flies! They say time is on your side, it takes time to heal, give it time, all I got is time. Well, I’m sick of putting a time limit on my healing and that time is flying by so fast that I can’t make out shapes or contexts. Life hands you crap and you take time to deal, you take time to grieve, you take time to put the pieces back, you watch time pass by while you heal. We all have our issues, we all have ups and downs, we all have good and bad moments, none of us are immune. It’s an up hill battle, it’s a struggle to heal, to be ill and to heal again. IBD is a not a pretty disease and it’s not fun to deal with or talk about the effects it has on your body during a flare.
I take the path of least resistance, since life is hard enough as it is and these diseases are down right brutal, why fight against it, just go with the flow…figuratively and literally speaking! I have days where I’m in tears all day, sometimes they are waiting around the corner for a trigger or maybe not, sometimes they come flooding and there was nothing to set it off. Some days like today I’m sick of being ill, I’m tired of healing, of sleeping the day away, of taking all these natural medications, of eating a certain way, of eating specific foods. I’m impatient or am I just human and desperately want to be able to live a normal day without feel this exhausted….is it time for a nap yet? I wish I could just curl up in a ball and hibernate for months so that I can heal and be done with it.
I have good days, I have bad days, it’s easy on the good days and a struggle on bad days but I am taking it one day at a time. I am at the point I have to be back on my feet but I don’t feel quite ready, I don’t feel like I can function at a normal pace yet and it is all to consuming, overwhelming and stressful for me to think about. I can tell I am not ready because the stress of it all is too much and I can’t make decisions, not even for simple things, which is not me at all, ever! So, that’s saying a lot!
The thought of having to get up and get ready for a full day then to come home only to collapse in exhaustion and to not eat properly because of course I am too tired to get groceries or cook so I will regress and it will all start over again, the anemia, sleeping all the time and not moving so the muscle wasting and my skin in turn will shut down and the list goes on…I’m not ready! I need more time! All the work I’ve put into healing and not to mention the TIME I’ve painfully trudged along while healing I’m afraid will be lost and that makes me feel so overwhelmed and frustrated.
As I sit here thinking about this beautiful sunny day and wishing I could be hiking in the mountains, or fly fishing in BC or walking along a beach in Florida, I know that whether I am ready or not I have to take this next giant leap and figure out ways to make this work to get on my feet and get back into the world of work and function as best I can at this time of my life. Although I know I can do anything I set my mind to I just wanted to heal completely before being submerged into that hectic, stressful, exhausting and pressured life again, desperately hoping I would have a chance at full remission to start over, not half-assed, rather the whole healthy me!
Thank you for reading my blog and liking what I write. I hope my posts help you all in this crazy journey living with Crohn’s and Colitis to full natural healing and remission!
The inspiration for this blog post came from my two beautiful daughters who have grown up into intelligent and strong women. I was thinking about Mother’s Day and TIME and how fast my girls have grown up. It has been just the 3 of us, as I have raised them on my own for 20 years, they are my everything and I appreciate their support, understanding and love they have shown since I have been diagnosed. They watched me struggle for most of those 20 years with ups and downs in my health, searching for answers, diet changes and the like. I love you both very much! Hugs & Kisses
Image by Tessa MacInnes
This is a great article about IBD and work: GUTS4LIFE
WebMD ~ Managing IBD at work
Women’s Health.gov has many links on questions asked about IBD